WELCOME, BABY! Creative Birth Announcements

These beautiful images, gorgeous graphics and adorable works of art are examples of birth announcements we found on Pinterest.  How wonderful to be able to welcome a baby to the world and introduce them to their new family with these creative cards. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND!

 We celebrate mothers every day but it is lovely to set aside a special day to acknowledge the wonder that is Mother. 

Sharing some sweet images and words of wisdom, direct from Mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

Anger Motivates Infertility Sufferers According to Atlantic Article

An interesting and probing article at The Atlantic online describes how women and men suffering from infertility are often able to use their pain, their anger as instruments of change to drive them forward.  Read the whole article but here are some especially pitchy pull-quotes:

New research shows that “negative” emotions, like desperation and anger, often deepen a patient's involvement in decision-making and cause them to deliberate carefully, rather than consigning them to paralyzed indecision or blind commitment to unrealistic goals.

Infertility patients are already, or are becoming, competent, circumspect decision makers, not shrinking violets.

The lived experience of desperation and anger has not mired them in helplessness but helped them to overcome it.

West Coast Surrogacy Celebrates at the Beach

 

Creating families, changing lives, fulfilling dreams and empowering women--it's pretty big stuff.  At West Coast Surrogacy, the staff and surrogates are engaged in work that is transformative and so important every day but this past weekend, they took time to hit the beach and just enjoy each other's company and celebrate their successful partnership.

 

With nearly 100 people attending, the surrogates, staff and their families mingled and mixed on the sands of San Diego with the beautiful Pacific Ocean in the background. 

 

One of our surrogate mothers wrote a thank you note, already:

 “THANK YOU!  Thank you all so much for putting on such a fun beach party!  The boys and I had a blast.  It was great to meet so many of the other surrogates and their families.  You run an amazing company that does amazing things and you should all be proud.

 Thanks again for such a fun time.”

 

Thank YOU!  And many thanks to all our wonderful surrogates. 

Working with you makes every day, a day at the beach!

 

How Our Surrogates Talk to Their Children About Their Pregnancies

WE LOVE OUR SURROGATE MOTHERS!  They are the most caring, interesting, and giving women in the world.  We asked this wonderful group on our Facebook page to share with us how they tell their own children about their surrogate pregnancies.  Read these terrific responses and you will love them, too!

A gathering of surrogate mothers and our Director, Amy Kaplan

•  I explained to my 8&5yr old kids that a mommy's tummy wasn't able to grow a baby, so the doctors were going to combine their "ingredients" to grow a baby and then put that teeny baby in my tummy for me to grow for them. They're reaction: "it's like a really great Christmas gift!" They always had a very clear understanding that the baby I was carrying was not ours.

 

•  I gave my 9 year old a pretty realistic but age appropriate breakdown of the IVF process and explained that I was going to help someone else have a baby and in no way would it be ours or related to us. For my 2 year old, I found a really great book called "The Kangaroo Pouch" that has helped a lot. They are both clear who these babies belong to and get excited to see the intended parents.

   
•  My kids understood that I was helping another mommy who's tummy was "broken".

   
• Our 12 & 14 year old understood without much explaining that after a quick procedure that an embryo that was not ours and had been grown in a science way were going in my uterus to grow. The 3 year old was told we were going to grow a baby for our friends. He loved the experience and is already asking when I will grow another baby for a family that can't have one on their own.

Life, Love, Surrogacy: Inspiring Surrogate Mommy Bloggers

There are some wonderful surrogate mothers who have blogged beautifully about their experiences. It is such a gift to anyone considering surrogacy--Intended Parents and/or Surrogate Mothers--to be able to read these rich, revealing accounts.

I love this paragraph from Life, Love and Surrogacy

Back in December (as you know) I gave birth (in a most spectacular manner) to two of the loveliest human beings.  I am  in SHOCK as I tell you they are 5 days shy of their half-birthday!!!  I am literally the HAPPIEST person alive in part because 3 parents, 5 grandparents and many cousins, aunts, godparents and friends are living in a brighter world.  I am happy to say my life is richer and my horizons are broader because of 2 remarkable families.  I am content to move on from this era of my life knowing I have fulfilled one of my callings, to help create a family (or 2) by way of surrogacy.  Though I may never again be pregnant, I will always know 4 sweet things are babbling, getting food on the carpet, potty training, saying mama and dada in part because my family and I said YES to these most amazing journeys.

WATCH: Hear from a Surrogate Mother and Her Husband on the Joys of Surrogacy

Explaining Your Surrogate Pregnancy to Your Children

On the website for the support organization, Parents Pursuing Pregnancy, there are excellent articles for the Intended Parent but also pieces targeted at surrogate mothers.   This is one of them:

Surrogate arrangements are an important option for couples seeking to build their family. Surrogate mothers have an essential role in helping couples become parents, and this role is one that they assume with knowledge and sensitivity. A relatively unexplored issue that confronts surrogate mothers is the impact of the surrogate pregnancy on their own children. Most women who want to be surrogates already have children of their own. This is important because they understand well from experience the process of pregnancy and childbirth, and also appreciate children and what they mean to a family. Generally, these children are quite young, typically under the age of ten, since the most fertile years are relatively few. 

The surrogate mother is necessarily focused on thc baby she is carrying, but she must also consider her own children in her planning. She needs to think about her own feelings and she needs to think about how she will explain the pregnancy to her children. She needs to consider how she will explain the fact that her children may never meet the baby-possibly their half-sibling, and how she will reassure her children that they need not fear separation from her. One surrogate mother explains that she is "babysitting" for nine months; another says she is "an oven, an incubator". 

Not only are these issues complex, but the level of cognitive and emotional development for each child will dictate a different approach to these concerns. Concerns for any one child will change as that child matures. As with any sensitive issue in a child's life experience, parents must be open to following the lead of the child's apparent and disguised anxieties, fears, and questions. For some children, questions can be conscious and arriculated, such as: "Why isn't the baby coming home from the hospital?" or "Why can't I see the baby?" It is often more difficult for children to express fears, some of which may even remain under the surface, such as, "If I do something wrong, will you send me away?" Some questions may be raised by friends or others outside the family. A teacher or neighbor may ask, "Are you having a baby sister or brother?" These can be complicated questions for a surrogate mother, and even more so for the child who is without maturity or intellectual or emotional resources to understand the situation. 

Because these questions can be so delicate, some women may want to believe that their young children have no awareness of the surrogacy. However, while there are significant iudividual differences, babies as young as one and a half can have a concrete perception of mother getting bigger physically, and children around the age of three will have some ability to understand that there is a baby inside. Additionally, children are very sensitive to family concerns, family secrets, and family tensions. Even a one year old can grow up with a vague sense of something signifigant having occurred within the family. While the two-year old may not have fantasies about this process, this same child may develop layers of fantasy as he or she matures. Thus, a surrogacy can come up at different times, bringing with it different meanings and questions. Surrogate mothers can assist their children by their sensitivity to their children's developing awareness and changing concerns as they mature. 

One surrogate mother tells her children, "Mommy is helping two people who can't make their own baby so that they can have a baby that they really want." At another time in response to her children's fears, she says, "When Mommy decided to help this couple have a baby, Mommy knew the baby was for them. The baby belongs to their family. When Mommy decided to have you, Mommy knew that you would be our baby forever and ever. Mommy knew you would always belong to our family and you always will." A surrogate mother must feel comfortable with her own explanation. 

An awareness of these concerns can help a surrogate mother hear the questions her children ask and can provide the opening to explain what is happening. If such concerns ir questions are posed, a surrogate mother should respond to them and acknowledge their importance. 

Dr. Linda Kanefield, a clinical psychologist in Chevy Chase Maryland, evaluates surrogate mothers, and is the author of articles and presentations on women's issues, including dual-working couples, pregnancy and mother-daughter relationship. 
 

A Calling to Surrogacy



JOHN HART-State Journal



French nationals Thomas Clochon, left, and Nicolas Beslin, right, hold their newborn twin boys, Hugo and Valentin Clochon, born through surrogate Taylor Torcaso, center.

In this lovely story from the Wisconsin Journal, gestational surrogate Taylor Torcaso puts into words what so many women who act as surrogates say they also feel.

Taylor Torcaso has this thing about pregnancy.
"When I'm pregnant I feel whole," said the 28-year-old married mother of two who lives on Madison's East Side. "When I'm not pregnant, I'm longing to be pregnant."
So, with what she termed a "calling" to become pregnant again, coupled with the desire to help two gay Frenchmen have a family of their own, Torcaso agreed to carry a baby for 9 months that was not her own.


Read more: http://host.madison.com/news/local/health_med_fit/a-tale-of-love-and-surrogacy/article_c0fc9edc-8765-11e2-bbd5-0019bb2963f4.html#ixzz2My05xnWY

Happy Friday, Baby

The masterful Anne Geddes took this shot.  Of course she did.  Happy Friday!

Surrogate T-Shirts for the Holidays

http://www.cafepress.com/mf/46973141/notsanta_tshirt?shop=SurroHoliday

Woman Suing for Maternity Leave After Son Born Via Surrogacy

A woman is fighting for the right to get maternity pay despite having a baby using a surrogate mother.
She is taking Iain Duncan Smith, the Work and Pensions Secretary, to the High Court claiming her human rights are being breached.
The woman, from Kent, says that even though she did not give birth to her son she is entitled to paid leave to look after and bond with him.
She told the Sunday Times: 'Having my son via surrogacy does not change the fact that I want to and need to be there to care for him and bond with him in the early months of his life.
'I am just like any other parent of a newborn and my son and his needs are the same as any other baby.'

The mother, to be named as RKA in court documents, says she 'feels judged' for her inability to have a child naturally.
Her case is being brought at the same time as a legal challenge from Surrogacy UK which wants a judicial review of regulations barring maternity pay to mothers who use surrogates.
There are now about 140 surrogate births every year and the numbers are rising.
Currently, surrogates are paid a maternity allowance and given leave while in adoption cases, the birth and legal mothers are guaranteed pay up to 39 weeks and can take 52 weeks leave.
In the case of RKA , a medical problem meant she could not carry a baby, so the couple had IVF treatment and then embryos were implanted in a surrogate in September last year.
Her company reportedly said it was not legally required to give her paid leave or time off, when she asked about her benefits. They offered her 52 weeks unpaid leave.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207401/Woman-baby-using-surrogate-claims-human-rights-breached-allowed-maternity-pay.html#ixzz29U1dXsIA
 

Thoughts on Giving, Thinking of Surrogacy

 

 

Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.  You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.  You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

 

--Martin Luther King

American Civil Rights Leader

 

No act of kindness, however small, is every wasted.

 

--Aesop

Greek Fable Writer

 

 

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared.

 

--Buddha

The Enlightened One

September 11 and Surrogacy: Good Deeds Unite Us

Maybe it's because we've all been through a rough ride together the past few years.  Maybe it is the lingering effects of our shared wound from September 11.  Maybe it is concern for the care of our planet and its citizens.  Whatever the reason, people are helping people more than ever.

David Handschuh/News--From New York Daily News Online

Take gestational surrogacy.  Despite what may be portrayed in popular culture and also tossed around as theory ("Selfish celebs use surrogates to save their own bodies!") we have found in talking to the women who call or write our office, interested to know about being a surrogate, that their motivation is to help someone.  They found it easy and so rewarding to become pregnant and to carry their own children.  They are moved by what they see and hear from other women who can't become pregnant, can't carry a baby to term, and can't create the family they always dreamed of.  And they want to help.

Today, on the anniversary of the tragedy of September 11, we reflect on what we experienced when those towers fell.  We remember the people who lost their lives.  We are grateful for what we have and we practice random acts of kindness to those who have less.  We acknowledge that we are all connected.



Image: Visitors at memorial. Mark Lennihan / AP--www.msnbc.com

If you are interested in knowing more about being a gestational surrogate, visit our website:
www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

And if you want to spend a moment hearing what others are doing to honor September 11 and the memory of those we've lost, visit this wonderful site:

http://www.911day.org/

Good deeds unite us on 9/11. 9/11 Day is a movement built on people remembering through positive action.

Mom-in-Chief: Michelle Obama and Motherhood

In her speech at the Democratic National Convention,  Michelle Obama described herself as first and foremost, ”Mom-in-Chief.”  Here’s an incredibly accomplished woman married to the leader of the free world and how she defines herself is as Malia and Sasha’s mom. 

Image courtesy of  www.whitehouse.gov

It emphasized that no matter what a woman’s place in the world or how many initials after her name, if her heart’s desire is to be a mother, then that yearning supplants all other ambitions.   That’s not to say that her other qualities, achievements, passions and relationships mean less but that the deep, elemental desire some women feel to mother will continue to demand their attention, making it hard to concentrate on anything else,  until that desire is fulfilled.

Image courtesy of www.whitehouse.gov

Surrogacy is one way to become a mother---or a father, of course.  There are other ways.  The important thing is that if you feel that calling, take action.  Do the research, see the right doctors, speak to professionals and get the guidance you need to make the decision that will put you on the path to parenthood.

Visit our website for links to counseling support, life coaching, legal advice, and Infertility related associations.

www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

West Coast Surrogacy Staff and Surrogates Gather

West Coast Surrogacy Staff and Surrogates Gather in Irvine, CA

This is what a surrogate looks like.  Or many surrrogates.  Surrogi? 

A recent group of  California surrogates and staff from West Coast Surrogacy met for lunch at the Irvine Spectrum for conversation and sharing.

This group might be a book club.  Or a local Mom's Group.  The one extraordinary thing about this picture is just how wonderfully, beautifully, everyday and ordinary this gorgeous group appears to be.  But was sets them apart is their willingness to help another man, woman or family bring a longed-for child into their lives and home. 

This is what a surrogate looks like.  It looks pretty good to us.

www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

"Corrie" and Surrogacy

Why are Soap Operas so addictive?  Is it the drama, the heightened reality, the pretty people, the sticky situations or all of these combined?  Coronation Street has been running on British TV since 1960 and is affectionately known to its fans as “Corrie.”  A recent story line surrounding surrogacy has split the fans between those camps that feel it’s believable and beautiful and those who consider the plot implausible rubbish.

In the story, Katy, as played by Georgia May Foote, offers to act as surrogate for her sister, Izzy.  Soap Opera or no, as described by Foote in this interview, "Corrie" and its cast understand what motivates a woman to be a surrogate:

Georgia May Foote explains what's going on in Katy's head when she offers to be a surrogate mum for sister Izzy.

Why does Katy offer herself as a surrogate?
Katy can see that Izzy and Gary are suffering, so she just wants to help. The family are devastated when Izzy loses her baby and I also think Katy feels guilty because she had Joseph so easily, whereas Izzy is struggling so much.

Will Katy struggle to give up the baby if all goes as planned?
She may find it difficult because she will carry the child for nine months, but she is aware that the baby is Izzy and Gary’s, not hers.

Wish we could catch "Corrie" on this side of the pond.  Instead, we encourage you to watch some real-life surrogates on our website and hear their stories:

www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

Sperm Quality Is Down Everywhere, Especially in Israel

An article in the Los Angeles Times about the declining quality of sperm in Israel reported this change has been dramatic just in the last ten years.  Today, only "1 in 100 donors makes the cut. A decade ago, it was 1 in 10."

The story, reported by Edmund Sanders, goes on to say:

 "Simply put, the quality of Israeli sperm is falling at an alarming rate, and no one's sure exactly why."

"So the drop in the quality of sperm is raising some red flags, even though the cause remains a mystery. Speculative theories range from the mundane (carrying cellphones in front pockets) to the far-fetched (depleted uranium from exploded munitions). Some Israeli scientists are looking seriously at naturally occurring hormones, particularly estrogen, in Israel's water and milk and suggest that it's a mark of the country's aggressive dairy farming methods."

 Male infertility can be a terrible blow to a man's sense of self.  It might feel like an assault to their virility.  The same diagnosis for a woman can be equally shattering but often, because women are more apt to share their feelings and to seek support when overwhelmed, they are able to move ahead with what needs to be done to create the family of the dreams.   But given the declining quality of sperm in the world, wonderful organizations like Resolve may be reaching out to more and more men. Hopefully, the men will be willing to accept the help.

"The decline has been dramatic," Cryobank's Ronen said. "It's a shame. We see these macho, beautiful guys come to give donations, but then we're embarrassed to have to tell them that their sperm quality is so low they may actually end up coming back as a client."

www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

Will The New Normal Get Surrogacy?

The desire to be a parent can overwhelm all other concerns and dominate a person’s thoughts, actions and lives. When building a family proves elusive,and the process of understanding and coping with the causes is underway, the stress is immense, the pain profound.  Life becomes a series of acronyms—IVF, ICSI,ART, IUI, IP’s—and navigating the intricacies of options—adoption, surrogacy,donor—is a full-time job. 

So, when those same wounds are mined for material, it might prove uncomfortable if done without sensitivity or understanding.  A soon-to-debut television show in the US, The New Normal, will use surrogacy as its storyline.   That’s not to say it can’t be done well; a sense of humor in addressing a serious situation serves to make the subject more relatable.  Yet, in the written description of the show, there are clichés surrounding the surrogate mother who, of course, has a “checkered past”; she is described as “A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end-life.”  That is a tired stereotype.  Women who serve as surrogates come from all walks of life.   Their unifying trait is their desire to extend the great gift of parenthood.

Conversely, in the preview online, there are glimmers of hope.  The surrogate mother says, “Family is family and love is love.”  Would like to see that the Intended Parents don’t go with the advisor/agency/attorney who describes surrogates as “an Ez-Bake Oven with no right to the cupcake.”  If instead they walk away from him and into the office of an agency that is as respectful of its surrogates as it is with its clients, then The New Normal will be a celebration of the new family and not just an easy-to-digest version of one.



These days, families come in all forms - single dads, double moms, sperm donors, egg donors, one-night-stand donors... It's 2012 and anything goes. Bryan (Andrew Rannells,"Girls," "The Book of Mormon") and David (Justin Bartha,"The Hangover") are a Los Angeles couple, and they have it all. Well,almost. With successful careers and a committed, loving partnership, there isone thing that this couple is missing: a baby. And just when they think the stars will never align, enter Goldie (Georgia King, "One Day"), an extraordinary young woman with a checkered past. A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end life and small-minded grandmother(Emmy and Tony Award-winner Ellen Barkin), Goldie decides to change everything and move to L.A. with her precocious eight-year-old daughter. Desperate and broke - but also fertile - Goldie quickly becomes the guys' surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams. Surrogate mother, surrogate family.

Ryan Murphy serves as creator/executive producer and director along with creator/executive producer Ali Adler ("Glee," "Chuck") and executive producer Dante DiLoreto ("Glee," "American Horror Story").
"The New Normal" isproduced by 20th Century Fox Television and Ryan Murphy Productions.
-Excerpted from NBC.com

Learn more about surrogacy at www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

Surrogacy Laws: Different in Every State

A well-written and researched piece by Gina Barton of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel ("Surrogacy laws vary by state" August 7, 2012) includes a discussion about the development of a "model act" to make surrogacy laws more comprehensive and universal. As it stands today, they are different everywhere and rulings are often made on a case-by-case basis. 

The entire article appears here but the description of the proposed model act is especially interesting:
http://www.jsonline.com/features/health/surrogacy-laws-vary-by-state-co65rvg-165348756.html

The bold type on the quote below is our emphasis and not in the original article.  It is so eloquently expressed we felt it deserved special attention.

"And some judges here have allowed the names of those who hired the surrogate to be placed on the birth certificate without requiring her to give up parental rights as part of an adoption or other legal proceeding, Brisman said.
But other judges have not, according to attorney Steven Snyder, chair of the American Bar Association's committee on assisted reproductive technologies. While Wisconsin law includes a mechanism for determining paternity through DNA testing, there is not a similar statute to establish maternity, he said. The law here assumes the woman who gives birth is the mother. Attorneys who believe otherwise must make their arguments in court.

"The laws were based on a universe where the only way to have children was the old-fashioned way," Snyder said. "We have a rainbow of alternatives today in how to get pregnant and how to have a child, and the laws have not kept up."

That leaves most of the legal issues surrounding surrogacy up to each judge.
To reduce the likelihood of problems, the bar association drafted a model act governing assisted reproductive technology. The model act, approved by the association in 2008, covers everything from who can donate eggs to what happens to embryos in the event of a death or divorce. It is gender neutral and applies to heterosexual couples, gay couples and single people.
For surrogacy, the model act mandates safeguards such as medical insurance and mental health evaluations. It lists requirements for both the surrogate and for those hiring her. Surrogates, for example, must be at least 21 years old and must have given birth to at least one child. Those who want to hire one must be unable to safely carry their own children."

Learn more about surrogacy and review a variety of resources at www.westcoastsurrogacy.com

© 2012, Journal Sentinel Inc. All rights reserved.