Life, Love, Surrogacy: Inspiring Surrogate Mommy Bloggers

There are some wonderful surrogate mothers who have blogged beautifully about their experiences. It is such a gift to anyone considering surrogacy--Intended Parents and/or Surrogate Mothers--to be able to read these rich, revealing accounts.

I love this paragraph from Life, Love and Surrogacy

Back in December (as you know) I gave birth (in a most spectacular manner) to two of the loveliest human beings.  I am  in SHOCK as I tell you they are 5 days shy of their half-birthday!!!  I am literally the HAPPIEST person alive in part because 3 parents, 5 grandparents and many cousins, aunts, godparents and friends are living in a brighter world.  I am happy to say my life is richer and my horizons are broader because of 2 remarkable families.  I am content to move on from this era of my life knowing I have fulfilled one of my callings, to help create a family (or 2) by way of surrogacy.  Though I may never again be pregnant, I will always know 4 sweet things are babbling, getting food on the carpet, potty training, saying mama and dada in part because my family and I said YES to these most amazing journeys.

A Guest Blog Post: Infertility Is Unfair and RESOLVE Is Great

Thank you to our Guest Blogger, Lucille, who is sharing her story with us so we can, in turn, share with you. 

 

When I found out that my husband and I could not just let nature take its course and that we could not get pregnant like the last gazillion people in history before us who put their parts together and ended up parents, I was beyond rattled.  Nature wasn’t taking its course because our course was all messed up.  We were in our late 30’s but had been very blasé and unbothered about our ages because we live in California where celebrities are walking around at 48 with adorable twins, sporting them like designer handbags.  Nobody told me that their twins were not the product of their eggs; I was just blissfully ignorant.  I figured that “it would happen” and I thought giving birth was my birth right.  I felt that a woman who wanted to be a mother as badly as I wanted it would surely have her prayers answered. 

Think again, sister.  Thus followed the nights that were so melodramatic I almost felt like I was looking down on myself and saying, “Now this is soap opera material, this is.” Waking up crying, arms reaching for a baby, and sleepless nights where I wondered if we—my husband and I—should just cut our losses and go find some more fertile ground –literally—elsewhere in other partners.  Still, I am made of stern stuff.  I knew that after my cameo appearance in my soap opera I would find my bearings and start to make a plan.  Before this, however, I had the good luck to find RESOLVE.  This organization put me in touch with a support group in my area where I sat with other women and one brave man to discuss our pain and to help each other move through it to a solution.  Our leader said, “Every one of you in this room will have come to some resolution in the next five years—you will either be parents or you will have decided to live child free—but I know that things will shift.”  She was right but it meant the world to hear her confident prediction. 

Today, when my daughter is sitting at the kitchen table, doing her math homework, I remember the support I received through RESOLVE and am forever grateful.

A Gestational Surrogate Shares Her Story

This an excerpt of a very nice piece  from the Green Bay Press Gazette and was written by Maria Amante.  This quote beautifully describes what we hear from other surrogates:

 

“If you understand why you’re doing it, it’s gonna be something that makes you whole, that will be meaningful for you,” she said. “It’s one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. It’s such a touching moment to see the faces and reactions of parents who get their children. It’s worth everything, all the shots and doctor’s appointments and appointments with my kids I can’t make. It’s incredible, amazing and no way to put into words how special that moment is."

 

 

Diane Harrill helps make families.

The 49-year-old has given birth to nine children. But they’re not all genetically hers. She has five biological children, aged 13 to 30, and she has been a gestational carrier for four others. She calls the four her “surro-babies,” but doesn’t consider them her children.

“I love those babies, but not the way a mother loves a child,” Harrill said. “You love them, you think of them, but not every day. I think about what they’ll be when they grow up, just like my own kids. I remember their birthdays. But I don’t worry about them, because I know the parents. They were never mine.”

Gestational carriers bring embryos to term that are not genetically their own. The term “surrogate“ is commonly used in place of gestational carrier, but surrogates have genetic connections to the embryo.

The use of gestational carriers is up in recent years. Their numbers increased 13 percent in 2011 from the previous year, according to the most recently available data

from the Society of Assisted Reproductive Technologies. The society says totals are up 99 percent since 2004.

Harill was first pregnant as a gestational carrier in 2004 when she was 41. Harrill’s sister-in-law introduced her to a couple unable to conceive, and Harrill says she had no reservations about carrying the child.

“I didn’t think anything of it,” she said. “I didn’t know what was all entailed — 12 weeks of shots, and if it doesn’t take the first time, you do it all again.”

Despite the increased use in gestational carriers across the country, the concept remains new in the Green Bay area. In 2004, Harrill couldn’t find an attorney to help draft a contract.

Typically before implantation, the gestational carrier and intended parents agree to a contract to address all contingencies before, during and after the pregnancy. Those issues include what to do if the pregnancy needs to be terminated, the level of contact, if any, a carrier will have with the family after the birth and what compensation the carrier will receive.

After working out the details, Harrill became pregnant on the first cycle of fertilization. Nine months later, she delivered a healthy baby via caesarean section.

“I’d been blase whole pregnancy,” she said. The intended mother “said all the time, ‘This is so wonderful, what you‘re doing.’ I just completely blew that off ... (after the birth) she looked at me, she said, ‘You know, you just made a family.’

“And boing! A lightbulb went off. I got it,” Harrill said. “I went back to my room, tearing up, and my mom said, ‘See, I knew you’d have a hard time letting go of that baby.’ And I said, ‘No, I just got what I did! I just got it.’ They walked in two, walked out three, it’s a family. It’s pretty cool and that really hit home.”

A carrier is typically the last result for most couples looking to conceive, said Carmen Tust, a registered nurse and infertility coordinator for 16 years at Women’s Specialty Care, a Bellin Health affiliate.

“Our couples who have chosen to use gestational carriers have tried in one way or another, had in vitro fertilization and it never worked, it didn’t take or they miscarried,” she said. “They may have had a hysterectomy for whatever reason, or a physical ailment so they’re medically recommended not to carry a pregnancy.”

Physicians traditionally recommend intended parents use a surrogacy agency to connect with gestational carriers, Tust said. With no agency in Green Bay, they often head to Milwaukee or Madison or an out-of-state agency to connect with a surrogate and legal counsel.

Adoption is a similar concept, but it’s much more regulated, said Lynn Bodi, a founding partner at The Law Center for Children and Families and owner of The Surrogacy Center, both in Madison. Harrill connected with the family for her second surrogate pregnancy at Bodi’s agency, which has handled about 150 surrogacy cases in about 20 years.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s guidelines suggest a carrier should not have more than five previous deliveries or three deliveries by cesarean section, and at least one successful pregnancy. Both intended parents and carriers need to undego psychological testing. The society recommends carriers are between 21 and 45, and says carriers older than 45 are acceptable, but note pregnancy risks increase with advancing maternal age.

READ THE COMPLETE STORY HERE:

 

http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/article/20130427/GPG04/304270205/Gestational-carriers-help-create-families-those-who-can-t-conceive