A Guest Blog Post: Infertility Is Unfair and RESOLVE Is Great

Thank you to our Guest Blogger, Lucille, who is sharing her story with us so we can, in turn, share with you. 

 

When I found out that my husband and I could not just let nature take its course and that we could not get pregnant like the last gazillion people in history before us who put their parts together and ended up parents, I was beyond rattled.  Nature wasn’t taking its course because our course was all messed up.  We were in our late 30’s but had been very blasé and unbothered about our ages because we live in California where celebrities are walking around at 48 with adorable twins, sporting them like designer handbags.  Nobody told me that their twins were not the product of their eggs; I was just blissfully ignorant.  I figured that “it would happen” and I thought giving birth was my birth right.  I felt that a woman who wanted to be a mother as badly as I wanted it would surely have her prayers answered. 

Think again, sister.  Thus followed the nights that were so melodramatic I almost felt like I was looking down on myself and saying, “Now this is soap opera material, this is.” Waking up crying, arms reaching for a baby, and sleepless nights where I wondered if we—my husband and I—should just cut our losses and go find some more fertile ground –literally—elsewhere in other partners.  Still, I am made of stern stuff.  I knew that after my cameo appearance in my soap opera I would find my bearings and start to make a plan.  Before this, however, I had the good luck to find RESOLVE.  This organization put me in touch with a support group in my area where I sat with other women and one brave man to discuss our pain and to help each other move through it to a solution.  Our leader said, “Every one of you in this room will have come to some resolution in the next five years—you will either be parents or you will have decided to live child free—but I know that things will shift.”  She was right but it meant the world to hear her confident prediction. 

Today, when my daughter is sitting at the kitchen table, doing her math homework, I remember the support I received through RESOLVE and am forever grateful.

WATCH: National Infertility Awareness Week

Watch the 2013 National Infertility Awareness Week video

Since 1989 RESOLVE has organized National Infertility Awareness Week®. Now we ask you to help us and join the movement to...

• Bring infertility support groups to every community.
• Increase and protect access to all family building options.
• Help change the conversation about infertility.

Gestational Surrogacy: Emotional Considerations

If you are exploring family building options, you have probably already found RESOLVE.org.  They are our national infertility institute and we are fortunate to have them.  This excellent post on surrogacy is from their website:

Surrogacy is seldom the first choice on the journey to build a family. Often people come to surrogacy after trying and exhausting other options such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF) and gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT). In some cases medical issues, such as absence of a uterus, impaired uterus, or a chronic health problem, make it impossible or unsafe for the intended mother to carry a child. Sharing a pregnancy with a carrier (the woman carrying the child) may be the right option for you if involvement with the pregnancy and prenatal care, genetics and being present for the birth of your child are important.
Until recently, stories in the popular press were about traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate is inseminated with sperm from the infertile woman’s husband, and the carrier is genetically linked to the child. Today, most couples who build their families through surrogacy choose gestational surrogacy, also known as gestational care. In gestational care, the intended mother or an egg donor provides the egg and the intended father or a sperm donor provides the sperm. The resulting embryo is transferred to the gestational carrier, who has no genetic connection to the child.
A Personal Story After three miscarriages and years of infertility, Sharon didn’t give up her dream of having children. Once it became clear that pregnancy wasn’t a viable option, she and her husband Dan became interested in surrogacy, where they could both be genetically connected to the child. They also investigated adoption and resolving without children.
Sharon: “All my life I expected that I would have children. After years of failed infertility treatment, my husband and I had almost given up. We didn’t have the energy or emotional stamina to keep trying. I thought adoption was my only alternative until our doctor suggested that we consider gestational care. As hard as that was to hear, I realized I could have a genetic child and be very close to the pregnancy even if I wasn’t carrying the child myself. It was so exciting to be at that first ultrasound and see my child’s heartbeat! It has turned a very painful beginning into a very hopeful future.”
Dan: “What a nightmare this has been for both of us, especially for my wife. After each miscarriage, what we took for granted began to seem like it might not happen. I have seen the pain in my wife’s eyes as she has come to terms with the fact that she is unable to carry a baby. I have always supported my wife but have also realized my own deep desire to have a child who will carry on the traits of my family. It may sound selfish, but I wanted to have a child who might be blessed with my mom’s musical talents or have my dad’s sparkly eyes. For me, surrogacy is as close as we can come to having our child in the “usual” way.”
Emotional ConsiderationsBefore deciding to use a surrogate, you (and your partner) should consider the following questions:

• Are you ready to move on from current infertility treatments?
• How do you feel about someone else carrying your child?
• Are both partners ready to do this?
• How will you explain the pregnancy and birth to others and eventually to your child?

It is important that you and the carrier speak to a mental health professional specializing in infertility about these and other concerns. A mental health screening can help ensure that all parties have considered all matters. It will also help to determine if you and your carrier are compatible.

Infertility Super Heroes: Center for Infertility Justice

What would a Super Hero be called who fought for the rights of the infertile?  Wonder Womb?  Lupron Man?  Well, some real life heroes are working to see that your reproductive freedoms are protected and that you have the right to build a family.  Under the auspices of RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, the Center for Infertility Justice is standing up for you. Many states have legislation pending that could affect your plans for becoming a parent.  Learn all you can and get involved if you are able.  Why?  Because you are able to leap over the uncomfortable questions of cluelss, fertile friends.  You can scale the heights of infertile frustration and still remember to keep it classy.  And you can survive infertility with the help of others like you and with organizations made for you, like RESOLVE.

The Center is where RESOLVE brings together its advocates, supporters, partners, and like-minded organizations to effectively study, defend, and promote infertility. The goals of the Center are to promote access to care for all who need it, fight any attempts to restrict or eliminate that care, and provide research and data to support positive public policy for the infertility community. RESOLVE, the only patient advocacy group in the U.S. that fights for the rights of women and men who are infertile has seen an increasing need to bring together the community to ensure that our voices are heard.

http://www.resolve.org/resources/the-center-for-infertility-justice.html

Sperm Quality Is Down Everywhere, Especially in Israel

An article in the Los Angeles Times about the declining quality of sperm in Israel reported this change has been dramatic just in the last ten years.  Today, only "1 in 100 donors makes the cut. A decade ago, it was 1 in 10."

The story, reported by Edmund Sanders, goes on to say:

 "Simply put, the quality of Israeli sperm is falling at an alarming rate, and no one's sure exactly why."

"So the drop in the quality of sperm is raising some red flags, even though the cause remains a mystery. Speculative theories range from the mundane (carrying cellphones in front pockets) to the far-fetched (depleted uranium from exploded munitions). Some Israeli scientists are looking seriously at naturally occurring hormones, particularly estrogen, in Israel's water and milk and suggest that it's a mark of the country's aggressive dairy farming methods."

 Male infertility can be a terrible blow to a man's sense of self.  It might feel like an assault to their virility.  The same diagnosis for a woman can be equally shattering but often, because women are more apt to share their feelings and to seek support when overwhelmed, they are able to move ahead with what needs to be done to create the family of the dreams.   But given the declining quality of sperm in the world, wonderful organizations like Resolve may be reaching out to more and more men. Hopefully, the men will be willing to accept the help.

"The decline has been dramatic," Cryobank's Ronen said. "It's a shame. We see these macho, beautiful guys come to give donations, but then we're embarrassed to have to tell them that their sperm quality is so low they may actually end up coming back as a client."

www.westcoastsurrogacy.com