A gathering of surrogate mothers and our Director, Amy Kaplan |
I explained to my 8&5yr old kids that a mommy's tummy wasn't able to grow a baby, so the doctors were going to combine their "ingredients" to grow a baby and then put that teeny baby in my tummy for me to grow for them. They're reaction: "it's like a really great Christmas gift!" They always had a very clear understanding that the baby I was carrying was not ours.
I gave my 9 year old a pretty realistic but age appropriate breakdown of the IVF process and explained that I was going to help someone else have a baby and in no way would it be ours or related to us. For my 2 year old, I found a really great book called "The Kangaroo Pouch" that has helped a lot. They are both clear who these babies belong to and get excited to see the intended parents. My kids understood that I was helping another mommy who's tummy was "broken". Our 12 & 14 year old understood without much explaining that after a quick procedure that an embryo that was not ours and had been grown in a science way were going in my uterus to grow. The 3 year old was told we were going to grow a baby for our friends. He loved the experience and is already asking when I will grow another baby for a family that can't have one on their own.
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