Surrogate and Parent Relationships

"What kind of relationship will we have with our surrogate after the birth?"

This is a common question that I'm asked while sitting down with a new intended parent or couple.

The majority of the surrogates that I know and work with, ideally, would like to develop a friendship with the parents of the baby she carries; a friendship that lasts a lifetime. This friendship evolves throughout the pregnancy and is not one that can be forced. It can be somewhat awkward initially after you meet her while waiting for the legal contract to be finalized, waiting for your protocol to start your IVF cycle, until the moment you are sitting with her in the embryo transfer room and surprisingly there is an instant bond between you. What do you say to this woman who has so generously given of herself to you?

Relationships grow and evolve throughout the pregnancy. After the birth, many parents send photos to their surrogate on a regular basis. Some surrogates get together with the parents and the baby/babies and stay in close contact. While others may choose to stay in touch via email and phone calls.

Not all relationships continue after the pregnancy. There are cases in which either the surrogate or the parents choose to no longer communicate (after the birth). In these situations, it is important for all parties involved to have closure and complete their relationship in a respectful manner. Our counselor, Ellen Winters Miller, is a wonderful resource for our surrogates and parents. Not only does Ellen provide support for the surrogates and parents during the pregnancy, she is also involved after the birth, offering a platform of communication and support to all parties.

What kind of relationship will you have with your surrogate after the birth? Our hope is that you and your surrogate create an experience together in a way that has you feeling related and fulfilled.