Guest Blogger | A Husband’s Perspective on Surrogacy

When I interview potential surrogate mothers, I always consider their support system. I believe the strength of support they have at home, through family and friends, is critical to how they will do throughout the process.

I recently was asked by a potential surrogate mother if I had any literature about the role her husband would play in the process. My husband, Jon, played a key role in my decision to become a surrogate mother, and throughout the entire process. I asked my husband to write about his thoughts.
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I am glad to have the opportunity to talk about my experience as the husband of a surrogate mother.

For a while, Amy had been talking about her desire to become a surrogate mother. I was definitely open and supportive to her making such a commitment. Surely, I knew it would impact our family, but I saw it as a great way for her to make a difference for someone.

Once Amy decided to move forward, she was matched up with a couple. In the beginning, I clearly saw my role in the whole process as being secondary. As part of the interview process, we had dinner with the couple. I did my best to convey one message during our initial meeting — that I would do everything I could to make sure Amy was taken care of during the pregnancy.

I had no idea what it would be like to have a pregnant wife carrying someone else’s babies. When Amy became pregnant, it started a unique journey for every member of our family. We quickly adjusted, but I must say, the experience was different than when she was pregnant with our daughter Mia.

The everyday steps that you go through having a pregnant wife were much the same; making sure she did not exert herself too much, helping her eat the right things, taking trips to the store at odd hours to pick up various items — you know, that kind of stuff. I also loved that our daughter was able to share in the experience of having a pregnant mommy.

From an emotional and psychological point of view, I think I had a greater sensitivity to helping Amy do all the right things during the pregnancy, as we were responsible for the well being of someone else’s children. Looking back, I might have been even more patient with Amy during her surrogacy pregnancy than I was during her pregnancy with our own daughter.

Once the twins Amy was carrying were born, it was great to share the joy of their birth with the intended parents. The pregnancy and birth created a wonderful bond between our two families that still exists today, more than two years later.

The experience of Amy’s surrogate pregnancy had an impact on our family and helped shape who we are today. Any hesitations I had in the initial conversations were diminished when we were immersed in the process and witnessed the joys and triumphs that come with surrogacy.